The proliferation of choices leads to the liquefaction of "connections": A structural analysis of the dating app market - ​​12/29/2025

Abstract

While the spread of dating apps has made dating more efficient, it has also transformed interpersonal relationships into a framework of "selection by specifications" and "return on investment (ROI)." This paper elucidates the rational mechanism by which an increase in choice leads to the weakening of relationships.

Keywords

Opportunity cost, substitutability, resource concentration, valuation asymmetry

The premise of "dating" redefined by the digital market

In the past, people's encounters with others were limited by physical distance and the community they belonged to. While this "restriction" may seem inconvenient at first glance, it actually functioned as a protective barrier for maintaining relationships. Within a limited number of options, it was rational for people to compromise and pay the adjustment costs to build relationships, even if their values ​​differed slightly.

However, dating apps have eliminated this barrier, throwing dating into a vast "liquid market." When a seemingly infinite number of candidates appear on our smartphone screens, our thinking shifts from engaging with each person's unique qualities to efficiently filtering out the "optimal solution."

The true nature of the "cost" lurking behind efficiency

When using apps, we unconsciously calculate "opportunity cost." Opportunity cost refers to the value of other options we must forgo when making a certain choice.

In an environment where new candidates are presented one after another, the cost of deeply engaging with one person increases relatively. This is because, when we have a disagreement with the person in front of us, swiping through the app to find someone who seems more compatible is less time- and mentally costly than spending time reconciling.

Motivation to maintain a relationship = Reduced adjustment costs ÷ Ease of sourcing the next candidate

Under this structure, individuals become easily "replaceable," and "cutting losses"—ending a relationship based on even the slightest flaw (red flag)—becomes justified as a rational self-defense strategy.

Free Competition Produces Extreme Resource Imbalances

At first glance, the promise of "connecting with anyone" seems to offer equal opportunities. However, the actual market structure is the exact opposite.

The absence of physical constraints has accelerated the "winner-takes-all" phenomenon, whereby popular demographics are increasingly targeted. The top demographic with attractive specs enjoys the most choice, while everyone else is constantly subjected to comparison with a vast number of rivals.

Let's imagine an ideal solution. For example, if AI were to match users with the perfect match and allow them to interact exclusively with that match, disparities and the pain of selection might disappear. However, this solution ignores users' desire to always have the freedom to choose. In reality, we cannot abandon the hope that "there might be someone better out there" (a lottery-like gambling urge). This expectation increases the amount of time users spend on apps, ultimately trapping them in an endless game of "selection."

Shifting Thinking: From Personality to a "Collection of Variables"

To adapt to this environment, young people's thinking is shifting, from treating partners as individuals to treating them as bundles of "specs (variables)."

Fragmented Evaluation

Whether a person meets search criteria such as hobbies, educational background, and annual income is evaluated before personal attractiveness.

Fragile Commitment

The belief that "I can always find a replacement" turns deep self-disclosure and long-term trust-building into a "high-risk investment."

At first glance, the modern system appears to realize free and efficient relationships, but its high fluidity ironically creates a psychological sterility where "no one is chosen, and no one can be chosen."

Empty Conclusion

The biggest change brought about by dating apps is not the increase in encounters, but the "decline in the asset value of relationships."

Dilution of interpersonal relationships = infinite proliferation of options × avoidance of adjustment costs.

No matter how efficiently you meet someone with ideal conditions, as long as that person is perceived as "replaceable parts," the continuity of the relationship will remain extremely fragile. Ironically, rational behavior, constantly seeking optimal solutions, structurally destroys the "irreplaceable connections" that we originally sought.